Arctic Sauna

The wind was bracing, chilling my cheeks. I thought I’d put on enough warm layers for the boat tour, but I found myself shivering on the bow when the guide reminded us that we could go below deck to warm up with tea and cookies. The fjords were gorgeous, but it was too freezing to enjoy them.

That seemed like the best option for me. I didn’t have my gloves and kept taking pictures with my phone, so my knuckles were starting to get raw. Really this was just the tip of the iceberg — so far, my trip had not been going well. I’d decided to come here because the I got an incredible deal on a flight — who knew tickets to northern Norway in wintertime were so cheap, right! I tried to get some of my buddies to come with me, especially those that I knew liked to ski, but no one took the bait. So, off I went. I’d resolved that if I had to take a trip by myself, then going to the arctic was not a bad option, that solitary Nordic stoicism. I’d blend right in being by myself.

Well, the first thing that went wrong: baggage lost in transit. Oh, yes. I had been warned not to check a bag, just in case, since I was travelling internationally. I was told that it had somehow got stuck in Iceland during my layover. So, I had to buy a bunch of stuff, and I had, with the good sense of my mother, negotiated a full reimbursement from the airlines for any necessary clothes I needed. Then, just a series of bumbling American stuff after that: getting lost, figuring out where to eat. I tend to be a “let’s see what happens” kind of guy, so I didn’t have anything planned. It was a lot of finding my footing, which was hard, because it was only daylight four hours a day. And even then, there was this soft blue light like earliest of dawn was still hovering overhead. It was relaxing, but it also made me very sleepy.

Fast-forward to now. I decided to take this cruise out around the fjords to see nature and the landscape and all that good stuff. The guide can tell I’m having none of it. I was even starting to get seasick, which I had, in my thirty years, come to believe did not happen to me. Handful of Dramamine, please.

The guides were cute. One was a Swedish woman, who spoke nearly unaccented English, was telling us all about the nature and whatnot (I’d zoned out) and the other was a strapping Scot with a strange-looking face, who seemed to be the captain’s right-hand man. It was funny to me that I was this far north in Norway and my guides weren’t even Norwegian. At one point the guide came over to me and started chatting me up. Where are you from and all that small talk stuff. I told her I was from Iowa. “That’s exotic,” she said and I laughed.

“If you go to the states, just don’t go there, really. Nothing to do.”

She shrugged. “For me, it’s exotic. I’ve never been there.” She was insistent.

I understand where she was coming from. It would definitely be a big change from here.

“You know,” she started, smiling while she spoke,” if you want a good experience out here that’s a little warmer, then I recommend one of the sauna tours.”

I gave her a quizzical look.

“They took a huge old ship and put in a glass window under the deck like where we are. It has also a few saunas, so the people can look out at the night sky. Sometimes you can see Aurora then, too. If it’s bright enough. Many of the people go on tours outside to see Aurora, sometimes as far as Finland, but I don’t think you’d like that,” she laughed. “Maybe too cold for you.” I agreed and got the information for this sauna cruise. “It’s a much bigger boat. I have doubts you will get any motion sickness on it.” She was reassuring enough that I decided to book the cruise; I wondered if all Swedes were reassuring or just her. After we landed, I thanked her. She gave me a wink and a wave, and I was on my way.

*

 So, I signed up for this sauna cruise. The only thing that had me worried was this whole deal with American vs. Norwegian saunas and the nudity and all of that. If I’m with my buddies at the gym or playing soccer or whatever and we jump in for a shower to clean up our sweaty asses, I’m not going to worry about how I look. I know how I measure up to those guys and can pretty much joke about anything, like the time Teddy chubbed up and we gave him hell about it — even though his dick was a pretty good size. But it’s not like that with strangers. I’m shy around people I don’t know and don’t want to expose myself, literally or figuratively. So, it’s not usually a big deal — I’d ordinarily just wear a suit in a public sauna, but I noticed after I signed up for the cruise that no swimsuits were allowed. They asked you to, “disrobe and wash your body before entering the sauna.” I figured I’d just wear a towel. That should’ve solved that.

 After the fjord tour, I pretty much just walked around feeling kind of lonely and, I’m a bit ashamed to admit, horny. Instead of a hotel, I’d booked a room is this woman’s apartment, and I didn’t want to be a low-class idiot and jerk off when we were occupying the same space. It just seemed wrong, which I’m pretty sure it would be. I gave myself a couple tugs before bed all the same, just enough for some stimulation, but definitely not enough to classify it as jerking off. Part of the reason for this trip was to try to get laid, but I couldn’t find any bars or clubs in the city I was in — too far north, too isolated. The second part of my trip was in Oslo, so I knew I’d be able to pick someone up there, at the very least. Except, there was that Swedish woman, but I couldn’t remember her name, and, even if by some miracle I ran into her, it’d be weird to ask her out. I didn’t get that vibe. Although, I reminded myself, she did shoot me that wink.

 The walking and waiting came to an abrupt end when I realized I need to get to the docks to catch the boat. There wasn’t really anyone there.

 I asked if we were still going out.

 “Yes. Yes, sir. We just don’t have too many tonight. This is usually our least busy night of the week.” I didn’t even know what day it was, so that didn’t make too much of a difference. He took me aboard. “We’ll be departing shortly.” Another man walked me to the changing room, and repeated the instructions I’d read online.

I stripped down in a little changing room with shelves and hooks for my clothes and a mirror. When I saw the mirror, I chuckled a little because it reminded me of how my bud Paul always looks a mirror when he walks by it, checks his hair, makes sure it’s alright. It’s seriously compulsive; he can’t not look at himself. So I took a page from Paul and assessed myself as I took my clothes off.

Swimming had paid off. I can’t stand lifting, don’t like the idea of having to keep on all that bulk over the years. So I swim, do Yoga, play soccer, squats to give my thighs a little something extra — just a bunch of different things to keep in shape. But I’d been increasing my work-outs a lot over the last year, and I had nice lean, defined muscles. I have a pretty hairy body, which I normally shave down. But since I haven’t had a girl in a while, I’ve let it get pretty wild. I traced my treasure trail down the middle of abs, admiring the V-cut I finally achieved. I should do this more often. It was pretty fun checking myself out; I even started to get a little hard — not to my full 7.5-inch mast, just a little hard (I’m not that much of an egomaniac! Plus, I hadn’t jerked off in like five days at this point). My balls, for whatever reason, are perfectly smooth. Not huge like Teddies, but I think they hang good enough.

I snapped out of it and got in the shower, put on a little cold water to calm down, wrapped the towel around me.

As I made my way toward the saunas, I poked my head it through the steam. The first one had several men who were obviously friends talking about the slopes. The next door had a sign that that sauna was closed. I went to the last one, lucky door number three, and nodded politely at the only other guy in there.

There was an announcement overhead. It came first in Norwegian, then in English — just informing us that we had departed and to enjoy the views. They said we were likely going to see the Northern Lights in the next few hours.

We were sitting there maybe ten minutes after the announcement and the guy came over and sat by me. He’d been covered up until that point, but he left his towel behind.

“Hi, hi,” he said. “Norsk? Engelsk?”

“Engl, Angelsk,” I said, uncertain. We both laughed at my attempt. “Sorry, I’m American.”

“I thought so.” He had a very slight accent. People always picture the Nordic folk as blond-haired blue-eyed thin-chic people, but they forget that Viking blood runs through some of these people two. He definitely seemed like one of those guys. Definitely tall, I could tell that when he stood up. I could tell he was very fit, but couldn’t see too much, as I had just poured some more water for steam. I could make out his silhouette, though, then his face when he sat down. His hair was shoulder length, wet from the shower. Mid-forties, I’d say. He had a mischievous smile framed by the best beard I’d ever seen on a dude. He looked squarely at me like he knew a secret that I wanted to know.

He patted my back when he sat down, as though we were old friends. “Are you on holiday?”

“Yes, yeah.”

“Traveling with anyone?”

 I thought about lying to avoid seeming like a loser. “No, just myself.”

 “That’s nice, that’s nice. Some of my best trips were just me on them.” He tapped his fingers a little on his thighs, which made me look down. This guy was definitely a shower. It was like a porn dick, no kidding. 6 inches soft, at least. Smooth and long, hanging over his perfectly shaven sack. You could tell he wasn’t naturally a very hair guy, and he kept it tight down there.

 I realized I was looking right at his dick, then noticed it was also in the direction of the stones, so I reached to put more water on. He grabbed my arm. “Do you mind waiting? It is nice to let the steam be like it is for a moment, no?”

 “Yeah, yeah, cool.” I thought I played it off well. “My names is Eric by the way.”

 “Kjell.” I said it back to him, and he smiled. “Perfect. Good accent — better than before!”

 He laid back, spreading his legs. He nodded to me. “You’ve never done sauna before?”

 “Of course, I have, why?”

 “You have your towel on. You can’t relax like that. Not all pores get the nice feeling.”

 “Why are looking down there,” I said, making sure I said it very jokingly.

 He laughed. “Just giving advice. Maybe I wouldn’t look if it wasn’t on. The towel is so white it grabs attention.” He seemed nervous.

 “I think you’d definitely be looking if it wasn’t on.”

 He let out a big breath like he’d choke on a piece of food if he’d been eating.

 I laughed, nudging him. “Just joking.” I was relaxing like I would with my guys, maybe even a little more than with them. I undraped my towel.

 “You are definitely American,” he joked immediately.

 I was confused.

 “You are circumcised.” He was very matter-of-fact.

 He motioned to himself. “I’m not looking at your dick, dude.”

 “You didn’t seem to mind before.” If I wasn’t already sweating, I’d be beet red. He placed a hand on my thighs. “I thought this is what you were hoping for.” I started to get hard as he rubbed his thumb in the crevice between my thighs and my pelvis. “I thought you wanted to feel good.” I moaned a little — involuntarily, not having had hardly any stimulation for way too long. My shoulders rolled forward. I think I seem like that guy would’ve jerked off with friends at some point, but I never had. Curious at times, definitely. But just always thought that seemed weird. I went through a phase after a bad breakup where I almost went out with this fifty-year old blind guy I met in a bar but couldn’t go through with it. Now here I was. Now or never. Sink or swim. Sweat or regret.

 I put my hand right on his dick.

 “You’re fucking huge man.”

 “Not that much bigger than you, actually.”

 He leaned in to kiss my neck. It was like my body had been turned on alive, my nerves lighting up with each touch.

 He rubbed his hair on my neck, my shoulders, cupping my balls.

 I didn’t want him to think this was my first time though, so I figured I better make sure I was giving as much as I was getting. But then he let one finger go down further than my sack, edging toward my hole.

 “Woah, man!”

 “Shh,” he whispered and laughed. “Don’t be too loud.”

 “Just feels so…” I was never good at dirty talk. “Feels so good, man.”

 “I have an idea.” He stopped touching me altogether, which made me realize how much I was enjoying this. “Turn around.” He was very matter-of-fact at the strangest moments. He told me to lean forward. He ran a finger down my back, over my spine, through my crack, passing lightly over my hole. “You have a very nice body, Eric.” I could feel him crouch. I put my hand over my eyes, realizing he was about to rim me. I’d always wondered what it felt like, but the one time I asked a girlfriend about it, I got slapped. That seemed like the end of that. The guys told me it was great. I don’t know how they found women willing to do it.

 A second later I felt it. The tip of his tongue rolling lightly against my pucker. Kissing it, sucking my hole. It was more intense than anything I’d felt before. I started to jerk myself off, but he slapped my hand away and pulled my cock through my legs. He licked his tongue all the way from the tip of my cock to the base, right back up my hole. It kind of hurt having my cock in this position, but it felt way too good otherwise to complain. He just kept diving in, eating out my ass, fucking my ass with his tongue. I kept panting, the heat of our bodies and the heat of the steam making me feel light headed. He stopped rimming me and starting nibbling on my balls, which didn’t feel great. He pulled for me to turn around. He put his leg up on the sauna bench Captain Morgan style, his cock hard as a rock. I had the strangest temptation to lick it but was too timid to actually do it.

 “I need to cum, Eric,” he said. He guiding my right hand to his ass, and I started fingering him. He braced himself on my shoulder, shooting stream after stream of cum right on my face. The heat of his jizz as it landed on my face surprised me. More surprising was that I had actually cum at the same time, shooting all over my face as well. He started scooping it up, sat down quickly beside me, and started stroking himself again. “Sometimes I need to come twice quickly.” Matter-of-fact Kjell.

 He looked at me with a hunger that no woman certainly ever had for me. I realized I was still hard, but I was way too sensitive to be touched. He pulled me in for a hard kiss, squeezing me into his body like the strongest hug I’ve ever had. Then he came, not as much as before, but enough to let his cock start to soften and let my body go.

 “Holy fuck,” I said. I was starting to realized I’d just had the most intense sex of my life. With a guy. In a public place. In Norway. What the fuck.

 “Very good, very good. Very sexy.” He was obviously happy.

 “Do you think anyone saw us?” I blurted out.

 “They’d be lucky if they did,” he winked. “Especially if they got to see your ass.” He reached to pinch me, and I flinched. He frowned. “No, don’t worry. You were the last person we were waiting for to leave.”

 Oh. I let that lie and leaned my head against his body. “Holy fuck, man. That was intense. First time with a guy for me.”

 He arched an eyebrow. “No?”

 “I’m afraid so.”

 He breathed in through his teeth. “We better clean you up.” He leaned down and sucked the cum off my cock. “Now a little better.”

 I pushed him. “Way too sensitive. That was really amazing.”

 “Yes, I’m glad.” He paused. “So sorry we didn’t go slow enough for a blowjob. I give excellent ones.” We started walking quickly back to the changing room. After we washed, I figured, we’d grab a drink at the bar on the upper deck.

 “You’re gay, I guess?” I didn’t know if it was weird to ask.

 He looked upward. “I’m flexible I guess you’d say.”

 “Me too, now, I guess.” I laughed. “At least I bend to you a little bed.” I gave him a nudge. “You live around here? I’m in town for a few days.”

 He looked surprise. “You’d want to do this again?”

 I laughed. “Obviously! Man, that was great. Plus, you said you give good blowjobs. I know I was not the most active, but I learn really quick. Give me some pointers and I’ll get you off good.” I thought for second. “Not sure I’d rim you, but who knows?!” I surprised myself with how okay I was with this. I knew tomorrow I’d be freaking out, which is why I had to get something set up to see this guy later.

 “Yes, I’d like this too. I should tell you that I have a wife. You say you like woman, so maybe she would like to join.”

 I hedged a bit for some reason. I was always put off by the idea of threesomes because I don’t like to share. And, to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be with women anymore. Lots of questions were flooding my mind.

 “She speaks good English. Less accent than I. She’s Swedish, you see.”

 I had a flash of the guide from earlier. “Does she work on one of the fjord tours?”

He laughed a bit. “I think I see what happened,” I said.

 Things were just starting to warm up.

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